"It's a Beautiful Life"- Genevieve Galvan Frenes

When my son was young, I’d tuck him in bed and make sure he was secure in his blankets.

I’d marvel at his small, handsome face and wonder, “How will my life change when my youngest is older?” “Will I still be the same parent as I am right now?”

Now, four children later, (three daughters and the last, my son), time has moved so quickly that it’s hard for me to fathom that they are young adults. With my eldest at 26 and my youngest at 17, I wonder how in the world did we make it through all of those years and stages of preadolescence, adolescence, teenage troubles, and pre-adult years with our kids.

For one, it helps to have a spiritual spouse alongside me who is a teacher as well. Our spirituality and faith gave us hope that our children would make it out of each difficult stage. This was key in helping us manage the stress of these years. Let’s just say we could hold the world’s record in praying for our kids.

As a teacher, my experience with children has definitely made me very observant of what to do and what not to do as a parent.

Never be young child’s friend. You are the adult, and he or she is the child. I’ve witnessed too many “friendships” between parents and their children. Many parents try to relive their childhood through their kids, and it isn’t a good mix. This doesn’t mean being a dictator to your child either. It means listening with understanding but still enforcing the rules in your home.

Patience is truly a virtue. Not everyone has this trait as a parent so you need to master this skill, because without it, your head might literally pop off of your head and lead to high blood pressure, insomnia, and alcoholism. Patience can be developed over time, (especially after four children ).

Patience is important, because it allows that pause before saying something really hurtful or dumb to your child, especially in the teenage years. As a teacher, I’ve heard all sorts of situations in which parents lacked the patience to listen or to really work through a problem with their child. They even ignored their child’s requests to listen or to seek help. The effects of not having patience can be life-changing for some children who really need your guidance and understanding at a critical time in their development.

Don’t antagonize your children about little things. Maybe I’m just not over the top about every little issue, but many parents have driven their children to tears or caused problems due to grades, sports, religion, and defined expectations. Parents don’t realize their micromanaging might be too much for their child since every child is different. I don’t say this lightly, since I’ve witnessed the vast differences in each of my children despite being raised in the same household and with two parents who would do anything for them.

I think being a teacher has helped me with this aspect of being a parent, because I’ve seen so many relationships deteriorate over demands that just weren’t worth the fight. I contemplated my actions carefully after having witnessed or heard of situations gone wrong. Yes, it is true some issues do need to be addressed with your children, but like a teacher, we should “pick and choose our battles carefully.”

Enjoying the journey – Most of the joy in being a parent and teacher is watching your children grow and become these marvelous beings you helped to create.

Maybe it’s because I had four children that I was capable of seeing that with each stage of their life, it didn’t last very long. If there were problems, I didn’t just pray it away, but I sought help for them so they were heard in their struggles. I knew we were not experts and we were learning along the way. However, I also knew that teaching guided my direction with my kids since many situations I heard about gave me wisdom that no other profession could give.

I wanted to cherish each stage and make it their own, not my envisioned expectation of what their life should be. This took the stress off of them once they realized that their activities were their choices and our love for them was not based on how much they achieved or met our expectations. We just wanted them to strive in a passion that gave them joy.

Sure, there were certain things which we requested of our children, like maintaining a spiritual focus, making education a priority, and being respectful and giving human beings. They abided by our wishes in the early years.

But as they matured, we discovered that their needs and wants in their young adult lives diverged from what we had taught them in some manner. This part was hard to accept as a parent and a teacher, because you assume that your children will always think and believe as you do.

The reality is that your children might come from your roots and the foundation you laid for them, but they will branch out and grow in ways you never realized.

Some of these changes will be different than what you anticipated, but the important beliefs and values engrained in them are still present, just in a different form. Grown children can still benefit from your guidance; however, some children may not be so accepting of it once they are on their own and making their own decisions.

This has taken some adjusting to as parents. We see our children maturing into young adults as we ourselves are getting older.

In teaching, our methods and strategies for reaching our students are constantly changing and shifting to meet their needs. We try different ways to reach them. Some methods are successful, while others fail. We try and try again.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from teaching is we need to love our children as they need to be loved. Although this may be difficult at times, it is definitely something we can embrace and learn from as their mentors.

Stay blessed everyone…